There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
