Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
