he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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