My nipple is on Facebook.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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