I smell stomach acid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
