Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration