she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
