Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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