You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We need to get me chipped asap
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
