Soap is not a condiment
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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