No stitches, just platelets and will power
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
