I heard we made out
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
