Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
