Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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