I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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