Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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