Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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