i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if only i could text you this smell
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
