Someone shit on the floor
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so let's talk penis.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
