How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.