I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.