Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
