drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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