come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?