we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
