Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You ruined the universe