hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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