I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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