I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
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Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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