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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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