last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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