yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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