Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
