My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
