just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
