She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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