she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago