apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
only if we run a train.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room