Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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