we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My bed smells like the plague
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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