theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
