sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize