got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
