is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
