mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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