dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
