the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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