She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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