How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
