And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
