Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
