How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
