Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
