I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
that may or may not have been my penis.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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