Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
