She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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