Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Terrible idea I love it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
