My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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