dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
