go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
