what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
