you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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