Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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