R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I can text with my tongue
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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