My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
