everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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