My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Small penises have feelings too.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
