I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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