At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
where are my eyebrows?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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