final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
