I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize