She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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