I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
