If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
