If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
