just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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