she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
