i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
