All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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