Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
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I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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