I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
