So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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