You're my little dorito
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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